“If it doesn’t matter, get rid of it.”
—The Minimalists
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Alone Time
Whether introvert or extrovert, try to learn more about yourself
By Joshua Fields Millburn
I’m walking through a city in the Deep South today, alone but not lonely.
I used to think there was something wrong with me. Throughout my twenties, I followed societal norms, doing all the things you’re supposed to do to be a normal, functioning member of society: going out with co-workers after work, spending every evening and weekend with friends, killing time with vapid small talk. Always engaged. Always on. Never alone.
But this constant interaction wore me out. Often, I wasn’t pleasant to be around. It felt oddly lonely to never be alone.
Then, as my twenties twilighted, I discovered I was more affable whenever I carved out time for myself. After all, I’m an INTJ. But don’t worry, this isn’t a platitudinal reminder to “make time for yourself”; rather, it’s a reminder to embrace your individualism—your personality.
Today, I spend copious amounts of time by myself; in fact, I don’t know anyone who spends more time alone than me. At least 80% of my time is spent solo: walking, writing, exercising, reading, ruminating. In the process, I’ve learned to enjoy the sound of silence: to sit quietly and hear what’s going on not just around me, but inside myself.
Yet the greatest benefit of prolonged solitude is that when I do decide to immerse myself in social situations—be it dinner with friends, a date, or on tour—I’m pretty awesome to be around. Not only do I benefit from my alone time, but everyone around me benefits, too: we all get the best version of me. I’m able to burst into social situations with stored energy, which actually makes most people believe I’m an extrovert since I’m able to engage at a high level and employ active listening, humor, and intellectually stimulating conversation.
I don’t, however, recommend more alone time, or more social time, to anyone: life is not one-size-fits-all, so what works for me may not work for you.
Take Ryan, for example: as an ENFP, his personality is nearly the obverse of mine—he spends more time around people than anyone I know. He’s the life of the party: naturally charismatic, funny, and likable. By nature, always on. As an extrovert he actually gets his energy from other people, and time alone exhausts him.
But classifying his approach, or my approach, as right or wrong misses the point. Both can be right—or wrong—depending on your personality, which is, of course, a continuum: even I, and my introverted ways, would hate to be sentenced to perpetual solitary confinement. Just as Ryan, and his charming extroversion, occasionally needs a break from his socialite lifestyle.
Ultimately, whether introvert or extrovert, man or woman, young or old, I recommend learning more about yourself: once you better know yourself, you can grow by easing into your discomfort zone.
Minimalism Kills Fear
Fears can keep you from doing what you want to do, but minimalism can lead you to freedom
By The Minimalists
We’re all afraid of something.
Some of our fears are obvious: spiders, heights, exes.
Other fears are less pronounced, less obvious—like the fear of loss: Loss of things. Loss of acceptance. Loss of friends. Loss of love.
Sometimes we’re afraid to give up what we think we have.
Fear traps us: It prevents us from growing. It prevents us from contributing to other people. It prevents us from living happy, satisfied, fulfilled, free lives.
Fear is the antithesis of freedom: it is, by definition, constricting.
We often hold on to things because we are afraid to get rid of them: we fear losing those things we think we might need. We don’t just fear the loss of these things, though—we fear the loss of what these things might mean to us in some distant, hypothetical future.
When you say that out loud, it sounds ridiculous. Try it: say I’m afraid to get rid of this [insert object name here, e.g., “T-shirt”] because it could have a serious impact on my life in the future. Ridiculous, right?
So there is an obvious question we must ask ourselves when we’re holding on to something: Why am I afraid to get rid of this?
Julien Smith—in an amazing and potentially offensive essay—tells you to ask yourself a crucial, basic question: What am I afraid of? While it might seem banal on the surface, it’s actually a great question to ask when you’re faced with difficult decisions.
Give it a try.
I don’t want to say “no” to that person. What am I afraid of?
I can’t write the novel I’ve always dreamed of writing. What am I afraid of?
I can’t learn to play that instrument I’ve always wanted to play. What am I afraid of?
I can’t exercise and eat healthy foods. What am I afraid of?
I can’t quit the job I hate to pursue my passion. What am I afraid of?
I can’t [fill in the blank]. What am I afraid of?
The answer to this question is almost always ridiculous: I’m afraid people won’t like me anymore. I’m afraid people won’t love me anymore. I’m afraid people won’t respect me anymore.
Chances are you have manufactured these false fears, and it is these manufactured fears that keep you from doing what you want to do (or, in the case of our physical items, fears that are keeping you from getting rid of certain things that have no real value—things that have no real meaning in your life).
We have good news, though: fear is a choice. You choose to be afraid—and you can choose to live without fear. All you must do is make a conscious decision: a decision to not be afraid. When something stands in your way, you must ask yourself: What am I afraid of?
So many people have chosen to get rid of their fears and move on with a meaningful life. But don’t take our word for it—try it out yourself:
Throw away your favorite T-shirt.
Get rid of your TV.
Write that novel.
Take yoga classes.
Do something you wouldn’t normally do.
Live your life.
Live a better life.
What are you afraid of?
It’s time to stop being afraid of whatever is preventing you from being happy, whatever is preventing you from being free—starting with the excess stuff in your life. Because in the end, you’re holding on to the fear because you’re afraid to give any of it up.
A Little More of Less
A few other articles we think you might enjoy…
The Importance of Meditation in Crazy Times by Leo Babauta
25 Things to Do with Your Family While Stuck at Home by Joshua Becker
Eight Productive Ways to Stay Positive During a Quarantine by Cheryl Smith
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