012: The silence between us
On the spaces that hold what words cannot
There are moments when words fail. We know what to say, but we sense that no words will do. I have felt this in grief, in love, in endings and almosts. I have felt it between languages and across cultures. The more I have lived between places, between identities, between homes, the more I have come to trust in what is not spoken.
Silence, to many, is a void. An awkward pause. A lack. But I have learned to see silence not as emptiness, but as form. Not as the absence of language, but as another kind of language altogether. Sometimes, it is the only one that tells the truth.
This essay is an attempt to understand the role of silence in our lives as an interpersonal phenomenon, and also as something deeper. A spiritual posture. A kind of home.
Silence between cultures
I grew up speaking one language at home and another at school. Then another in the streets. Then another when I moved abroad. With each new language, something was gained: a way of seeing, of naming, of belonging. But something was lost, too. Not everything translates. Some emotions resist transit. Some memories shrink when placed in the wrong grammar.
In French, I could speak precisely. In English, I could speak freely. In Turkish, I could speak from the body. But between them all, there was always something I couldn’t quite say.
This silence wasn’t empty. It was crowded with meaning. A kind of emotional backlog. And it wasn’t just mine. Every immigrant knows this silence. So does every child who translates for their parents. So does every adult who has tried to explain themselves in a language that doesn’t quite hold them.
“What we often call cross-cultural misunderstanding is sometimes just this: silence misunderstood. A pause mistaken for confusion. A hesitation mistaken for guilt. A quiet presence mistaken for absence.”
And yet, it is in these silences that we sometimes understand each other best. A nod. A shared glance. A gesture toward the door. In some cultures, silence is a form of hospitality. In others, it is respect. In all, it can be a kind of truth.